About a month ago I took a cruisy drive up from Hobart to Devonport to pick up my better half from the Spirit. Rather than drowsily heading up at 3am and risk adding to the piles of roadkill along the Midlands Highway, I decided to head up the evening before and stay in a hostel by the river. I did this so I could spend some time checking out Devonport, perhaps write about some interesting things to do on this very blog. Big mistake. There was nothing to do. So, in my boredom, with day quickly turning to night, I perched myself at the bar downstairs from my accommodation and waited out the night. That’s when the idea came to me. There was about 10 different drinking holes in Devonport – why not find out which one is the best? At the very least, if they are all terrible, I would be drunk enough to forget. The following is my subjective ranking of almost all the boozers in Devonport.
Molly Malone’s Irish Pub
Cold and dim atmosphere which is really pumping me up for a night of drinking alone. The stone and wood floor feels authentic. It’s quite spacious and pubby feeling, must be the smell. Or the fact that it’s a pub. A good number of generic beers on tap, plus I’ve spotted some alright specials along with live music once or twice a week. Grabbed a Guiness draft and then another. You have to in an Irish pub, or your night will be cursed and you’ll get a hangover the next day. Gambling screens are everywhere, even in non-gambling area. This is a little bit of a letdown since I like not losing money, but considering it is likely the pubs main source of income what can you do. Heaps of parking nearby. Schooners were nice and cold and relatively cheap at $8.40. Didn’t see Molly Malone but I hope she is well. 7/10 I was a happy little leprechaun (is that racist?)
Central Bar and Restaurant
An outrageous price for a generic Boag’s schooner at $9.20! Less variety of drinks than Molly’s. No Guinness, which made me sad. It felt very generic with usual grey walls and floor. Lighting was nice and warm though and it had some cool historical prints on the walls. They reminded me of the exit to Woolies in Hobart CBD, wit the mural, but there is no escalator here which I’m taking off a point for. Staff were very friendly. Had a separate bar, gaming and restaurant area. This was good since you’re not constantly under threat of Kino numbers assaulting your parietal lobe. Bar area was closed on Wednesday so had to settle for the restaurant area. Schooner was good, you know, cold. Huge amount of space in total. 5/10 just like Boag’s Draught.
After seeing this carpet, you can now perfectly picture the bar.
The Alexander Hotel
Perfectly acceptable schooner of Boag’s for $8.70. Bar was warm since it leans into the old-style pub aesthetic with red floor and lots of dark wood. It had some nice lounge couches to sink into and spill drinks on (sorry). Pool tables were a great addition which were apparently free some days. Same drink choices as next door which is what it is. I guess everyone just drinks Hard Solo now anyway. Had weird happy hour times but some is better than none. Nice view of water and the Spirit. Staff were alright, they did their job and served me a cold one. Could do with a bit more deco as it is all just Jame’s Boags posters so if you’re expecting The Mona Lisa you’ll be disappointed. Just overall nice vibe and would drink here with mates. 7/10 beer is good for you.
Pam’s Bottles and Cups
I can’t believe it no Boags. No beer at all for that matter. They have something called wine instead. Apparently, wine is another type of alcohol, commonly served in warm, cozy and relaxed places such as this. Nice, I’m game. $16 bucks for a Tassie wine and it was worth the price. Small Island Pinot. Good stuff. Music was funky. Seats were cindy (I don’t know what that means but it was in my notes, maybe I meant comfy?). Staff are millennial and know their wine. One had a red afro. They all talk in that weird calm friendly way that alcoholic millennials do. I wasn’t offended, it fit the vibe. I could stay here for hours and easily polish a bottle or two. Sutle pink tones of the lighting make the place feel groovy, like sitting in a wine bottle. Clientele sitting near me were pseudo intellectual which was fun to listen to. I was the only guy there. It was a small bar which filled up quickly. Wish I could have stayed the night, but alas I was on a mission. 9/10 if you like wine otherwise if you’re a beer drinking pleb 8/10.
Each wine comes with a complimentary butt plug
Gateway Hotel
Okay, it’s pretty sterile but 6.50 for a Carlton draught (sick of boags) was pretty good. Everything else normal prices for the area. I can’t say much about this place. It’s a hotel bar. It had standard drinks. It’s generic. It’s fine. If I was staying here and was dying for a drink it would be perfectly serviceable. Otherwise, I’d go out and find a real bar like that wine one just a minute walk away. I wouldn’t seek this place out. Usual gaming screens kino on tables etc. Also, it smelt weird – kind of like disinfectant or toilet cleaner. I would have preferred piss like every other bar. The lights are weirdly bright and will give you a headache. They also had A Current Affair on but with no volume or subtitles meaning it was impossible to watch. At least they did something right. Also. they have no happy hour and instead have limited specials which just isn’t as good. If I wanted specials I would have gone to BWS. There was hardly any deco and what was there was just small blurry prints of mountains. I’d much rather be up there, on Cradle or Frenchman’s than in here. Beer was cold well done do you want a pat on the back? Overall, fine. If you stay here and are allergic to going outside, It will do. 4/10 “It’s the smell” – Agent Smith.
Empress Craft Beer
Beers aren’t cheap but you get what you pay for if you heckin’ love a craft beer-erino with your double bacon hemp sauce burger. All beers are craft beers, mostly from Northern Tassie with a rotating range. I had a Du Cane Porter. $10.50 but worth the price and very nice. Place is warm and spacious. Very modern with concrete floor with wooden detailing. You’ll see it in most bars now and it is does feel a tad contrived. That being said, I did like the riveted metal bar stand. Plus, they sell heaps of beers in the fridge and have a range of craft spirits so you can drink while driving home. Good on them. It’s a bit out of the way compared to the others but that’s only by 5 minutes’ walk. It’s worth the walk. No gambling to be seen so bonus points for keeping the place kid friendly. Also, it smelt nice, kind of woody and oaty. They played hipster music like Viagra Boys who I actually like. They must have known I was coming. No Boags bumps this to a solid 9/10.
And that’s the end. The other four pubs were closed so no reviews for you. Go drink now. Byeeee.